Chimps will rule Earth...

If you don't have a chimpanzee phobia, you should! These recent events are just another resurgence of the ongoing rebellion against humans. If they're not eating your face, they're plotting to crush your skull with a rock. Creepy.

March 9, 2009: A canny Swedish chimpanzee who calmly collected a stash of rocks and then hurled them at zoo visitors in fits of rage has confirmed that apes can plan ahead (and be sneaky and mean) just like humans.

February 17, 2009: A 200-pound pet chimpanzee in Stamford, Connecticut, viciously mauled a woman he had known for years, leaving her critically injured with much of her face torn away.

Be on guard to make certain that these murderous acts don't lead to a world dominated by simian creatures.

Keep reading! The worst is yet to come...