Tick Della Roo

Me: "My face hurts!"
Wife: "It's killin' me!"

Haha - that's Wicks family humor for ya! I had to record a voice message for my new boss on Tuesday to let him know that I would be late as I had to see my dentist about a tooth ache. Couldn't say that my face hurt...

Despite his enthusiasm, X-Rays, and several tests, my dentist couldn't solve it, so my merciful wife "encouraged" me to visit a Care Now doc last night who had the fun of diagnosing me as a victim of Tic Douloureux, so at least my latest disorder has a sexy French appelation...

The bad news, however, began quickly with my Google searches:

** "Tic douloureux is generally a disease of middle age or later life" - okay, so I'm there and the parts are wearing out.

** "...is possibly the most painful condition known to medical science" - ooh, not so good to learn that, except I can brag about it at cocktail parties!

** "...the cause of this disorder is unknown in most cases" - darn, but I'm sure it can't last long!

** "...patients may have daily face pain attacks for weeks to months" - well, medical science must have a cure!

** "...after a remission (if any), it reoccurs as severe as ever, while other individuals have the pain continually" - ouch!

** "...for most patients, the episodes become more frequent and more resistant to treatment with medications over time" - darn Internet can provide too much information!

** "...there are severe surgical procedures that might be effective" - which means brain surgery as in skull bone cutting, etc...

** "...there are no long-term medical consequences of the disorder as it is purely a pain syndrome" - pain without consequences! Yippee...

** "'...victims 'are begging to be killed,' said Kim Burchiel, M.D., professor and chairman of neurological surgery at the Oregon Health & Science University School of Medicine, 'I'm telling you, it's total agony'" - maybe an expert, but I'm not sure I want to see Dr. Kim about my prospects...

Okay, enough already with the Internet advice!

If YOU don't have TN (aka Trigeminal Neuralgia), then congratulations! Enjoy not being in the worst pain ever... with no prospect for an effective cure. Still, you should worry as "it is estimated that 1 in 15,000 people suffer from it...", but don't pull those teeth quite yet!

My arrival in my late 40's and recent bouts with illness (e.g. a recent, painful, yet benign and huge blood clot in my leg) is an opportunity to be reminded of mortality and to accept being reliant upon others for some of the simplest things in life.

Can I find a blessing in this tribulation? I know it is possible and have done so before and observed the witness of those who praise God despite their most daunting troubles.

Physically, there appears to be a fault in the design of this facial nerve, but parts naturally wear out and it is a more basic tenet of science that dictates the failure of systems. However, if illness, trauma, and all things unwelcome were eliminated, would the world provide a foundation in which humanity would thrive?

Beyond Mother Nature's call for the Circle of Life to govern her domain and prevent any long-term domination by either individual or species, I am certain that the challenging Problem of Evil lies at the core of our happiness itself.

I may be very upset at an illness which strikes randomly without any apparent cause, but it is a reminder of a justice that is truly blind. Can I appreciate happiness without having known the dissatisfaction of an unmet need? I must say that when my TN pain subsides from any of my dozen "attacks" each day, the respite is so welcome that I experience great comfort and appreciation for my relief. Perhaps, even made deeper in that it is a temporal restoration, bound not to endure and not under my control.

Without illness, there is no need. Without need, there is no assistance. Without assistance, there is no giving. Without giving, there is no sacrifice. Without sacrifice, there is no love.

My infirmity is required so that you can offer love. For me to learn to love, I must recognize your need and decide to sacrifice what I have to give and assist.

Hopefully, my Tic will subside. If not tomorrow, then soon. But, the reminder of how many needs in this world remain unmet should remain on my mind forever. After all, it would be shameful for my pain to be wasted...

Do You Scream for this Ice Cream?

Is this our President flashing the victory sign in front of the US Capital building? Maybe it is, but I'm not quite sure who's flag that is - did Obama create a new one to match his Presidential Seal? The Russian advertising agency, Voskhod, is promising a new flavor of the week for Duet Ice Cream: "Black in White"! They claim that "Everyone is talking about it", so perhaps we should encourage adialog like the Germans have done with their line of snacks called "Obama Fingers" - frozen chicken fingers with curry dip! He is the "World's Leader" and was the overwhelming favorite for the non-US citizenry. Is this why he was their chosen one for the White House? Is our President a windfall of profit via marketing? Well, "It was supposed to be a homage to the American lifestyle and the new US president," Judith Witting, sales manager for the company, told the paper...

Finally, they really love him in the city of Obama in Japan, where marketers are capitalizing on his universal message of change in a television spot for E-Mobile. A primate dressed in a presidential monkey suit sells cell phones in this senselessly insane TV commercial.

Chimp Invaders attack Stars!

These reports indicate that chimp invaders are focusing their aggression on celebrities!

March 19, 2009: Katy Perry was personally assaulted.

May 11, 2008: Christina Ricci was molested!

January 24, 2009: Even the Bollywood movie industry in India is succumbing to Japanese demands that chimpanzees become stars in their cinema productions!

Why the silence from mainstream news reporters? This should be in the major headlines!

Remebrance

I was taught by one of my uncles that we "live our lives on the dash" referring to that Oh-so-small-single-stroke character on our gravestone that shall sit between the dates that mark birth and death. It is just a separator of the two most significant events in a lifetime, but that is all we have in which to be thrilled, grieved, awed, and inspired. These are the only moments to love, hope, and express our faith. It is so very brief - a short instant in human history that passes swiftly by and is gone like a vapor.

As I reflect upon the recent passing of my Uncle Bill after Christmas last year, I am reminded of his kindness, enthusiasm and the enjoyment he had for his friends and family whom he dearly loved. He was diligent to keep all of us in his life and made sure to reach out to everyone to let them know that he cared. He was ever youthful (as evidenced by the photo) with praise for all, a light-hearted outlook, and a desire to comprehend our world. I shall always remember the stories, advice and times together as I reflect on a man of character, who was a success worthy of fond remembrance as he accomplished so much in the days he was granted.

What lesson do I gain from such an example? To live fully, touching the hearts of those precious souls whose paths meet with mine. To focus more on the present, the people beside me and simply the current moment. If we cannot be certain upon what lies beyond death, can we unite together and express our affections during the fleeting time in which we stand on this side of time? I hope so and believe that he did too. Thanks, Uncle Bill. In your memory, I offer a few words to ponder....

---

Waiting

Some say the doors loom large and dark
Some say the entrance is not easy
Some say the far side is so much better
Some say there is no door at all

Yet here we wait
All of our days
In queue
And wonder

What lies beyond that gate prepared for us?
From which we cannot escape
Nor comprehend from this locked side
At which we are waiting still

Every day
Thousands pass through
Most are forced
But a few select themselves to cross the threshold

What shall we achieve
Whilst we wait?
Is the line itself our purpose?
Rather than the destination beyond?

The young know not
The old are too aware
Hence both enjoy their greatest hours
For this moment is all they feel

But not me
I am far away
And the wait will be long
I have time to think

But still I am limp
Doing nothing but watching time
And seeing nothing
And saying nothing

I am punished for my indecision
Must I see the path before me?
Can I know what fate shall come?
Will I trust the shouting voices?

What toll must be paid?
And to whom shall I render?
Is my liability insurmountable?
Or is the debt not mine at all?

These questions posed
Do not yield to our answers
And thus extends our wait
Before the doors

Shall we draw together then
To nurture justice and love deeply
United by our common fate
To share this finite moment

For when time ends
And loved ones part
All that remains for us to know
Is the wait itself

---

Typically, waiting in line is something endured before the ‘show’. Many people feel that we are in store for great times in the afterlife, so the comparison intrigued me. So, why should we treat our years in line as a burden when this perspective might encourage us to share these limited days with the folks “who just happen to be standing next to us” with love and understanding?

Japanese Train Chimp Army!

If you can see it on YouTube, it is true! Not only are the chimps stepping up their attacks on Americans, but this secret footage (disguised as a game show / music video - so be sure to crank the volume!) shows how the Japanese are training chimp recruits for mobilization across the globe...




Asia is clearly planning to have their secret Chimpanzee soldiers fight an urban war by training them to blend in with human society as school children riding the subway!



Warn your friends! Be vigilant! Report simian spies to the authorities! And keep reading for more...

Chimps will rule Earth...

If you don't have a chimpanzee phobia, you should! These recent events are just another resurgence of the ongoing rebellion against humans. If they're not eating your face, they're plotting to crush your skull with a rock. Creepy.

March 9, 2009: A canny Swedish chimpanzee who calmly collected a stash of rocks and then hurled them at zoo visitors in fits of rage has confirmed that apes can plan ahead (and be sneaky and mean) just like humans.

February 17, 2009: A 200-pound pet chimpanzee in Stamford, Connecticut, viciously mauled a woman he had known for years, leaving her critically injured with much of her face torn away.

Be on guard to make certain that these murderous acts don't lead to a world dominated by simian creatures.

Keep reading! The worst is yet to come...

Dishes...

In real-life drama, a failing dish washer forces all domestic havoc to break loose which demands that tough decisions get settled...

In the sink, dirty dishes
Had sat for a week
Not unlike dead fishes
They'd begun to reek

The puddle on the floor
Told the tale so clear
The Maytag was no more
"She's dead" was my fear

No way left to serve food
As the stacks piled high
Wife's in a bad mood
As she'd wash and I dry

If I shan't fix it soon
She'd turn more irate
We had neither a spoon
A fork nor a plate

Twas time to start shopping
For a new washer now
"You've got to get hopping",
So said my dear Frau

Just what happened today
I'm sure you can guess
The old beast hauled away
And replaced with no mess

Our glassware's now lustrous
The silver's so bright
But the biggest new plus
Is my spouse's delight!


Guess what? We have a new automatic dishwashin' machine! A two-week saga is at a close and tranquility is restored to the Rauscher home...

Aging is Relative

Happy Birthday to Albert!



As we celebrate Mr. Einstein's 130th birthday today, we should briefly take note of just how often he acted his age...

Furthermore, I offer my simplest of tributes:

To the man who spurned convention
As he described the fourth dimension
I raise my beer stein
To good ol' Einstein
And for his "timely" comprehension

What the heck, here's a chaser...

According to Einstein's great theory
Light itself can never grow weary
Though they're faster than all
Photons may never stall
For their speed is not arbitrary

When I grow up...

Here is a gentle reminder for all parents to always check your child's homework before they hand it in.

A little girl submitted this picture for a class project that required the children to draw what their parents do for a living…


And here is the mother's response when the teacher questioned the parent about the picture…

Dear Mrs. Brooks,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out of every single shovel that we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at the store. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,
Auretta Jones

Navy SEAL Pup Workout

The US Navy is now training younger recruits by encouraging more physical fitness in their first months. Click on the montage below to view an action-packed slide show of this 5-month old!


Just like her Big Sis, Hallie-Looya
Little Sophie is ready to show ya
That this SEAL Pup
Did her first push-up
No doubt her first word will be Hooyah!

"Rocky"

I was resting in the backyard spa and snapped one of our neighborhood squirrels as she ran by...



Or rather flew by! 'Tis a good show to watch the gymnastics that nature provides.

Next Limerick

So, the joke needs to have the natural flavor of a limerick by being off-color with a twist, so this one meets the criteria:

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

Some elaboration later and voilà:

A misogynist cabbie was grooving
Past a lass who yelled "Pig!" at a curving
He answered her, "Bitch!"
'Fore his crash in the ditch
Since the hog in the road wasn't moving

Limericks du Jour

I began my limerick-in' by targeting some classic family jokes such as this one that mocks the geek who takes a solicitation from a naked co-ed rather literally:

An engineering student was walking across campus with a shiny new mountain bike when he was approached by a friend, also an engineering student. The friend said, "Hey, where'd you get the great looking bike?"

The first engineer replied, "Well, i was walking across campus the other day. This beautiful woman rode up to me on her bike, ripped off all her clothes, laid down on the ground and said 'Take anything you want!!!'"

The second engineer replied, "Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyway!"

The challenge is to take the key components from the prose and introduce each in proper order with a good rhyme and classic metric:

Some girl on two wheels; nude as a tyke
Challenged me to “Take what e’er you like!”
Well I pondered a bit
Saw her clothes just won’t fit
So I’m riding this pretty new bike

Another joke...

What CAN your government do for YOU?

A friend's e-mail arrived today with a simple quote worthy of a minute's consideration...

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

- Dr. Adrian Rogers, (1931-2005), Pastor, Author