Do You Scream for this Ice Cream?

Is this our President flashing the victory sign in front of the US Capital building? Maybe it is, but I'm not quite sure who's flag that is - did Obama create a new one to match his Presidential Seal? The Russian advertising agency, Voskhod, is promising a new flavor of the week for Duet Ice Cream: "Black in White"! They claim that "Everyone is talking about it", so perhaps we should encourage adialog like the Germans have done with their line of snacks called "Obama Fingers" - frozen chicken fingers with curry dip! He is the "World's Leader" and was the overwhelming favorite for the non-US citizenry. Is this why he was their chosen one for the White House? Is our President a windfall of profit via marketing? Well, "It was supposed to be a homage to the American lifestyle and the new US president," Judith Witting, sales manager for the company, told the paper...

Finally, they really love him in the city of Obama in Japan, where marketers are capitalizing on his universal message of change in a television spot for E-Mobile. A primate dressed in a presidential monkey suit sells cell phones in this senselessly insane TV commercial.

When I grow up...

Here is a gentle reminder for all parents to always check your child's homework before they hand it in.

A little girl submitted this picture for a class project that required the children to draw what their parents do for a living…


And here is the mother's response when the teacher questioned the parent about the picture…

Dear Mrs. Brooks,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out of every single shovel that we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at the store. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,
Auretta Jones

Next Limerick

So, the joke needs to have the natural flavor of a limerick by being off-color with a twist, so this one meets the criteria:

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

Some elaboration later and voilà:

A misogynist cabbie was grooving
Past a lass who yelled "Pig!" at a curving
He answered her, "Bitch!"
'Fore his crash in the ditch
Since the hog in the road wasn't moving

Limericks du Jour

I began my limerick-in' by targeting some classic family jokes such as this one that mocks the geek who takes a solicitation from a naked co-ed rather literally:

An engineering student was walking across campus with a shiny new mountain bike when he was approached by a friend, also an engineering student. The friend said, "Hey, where'd you get the great looking bike?"

The first engineer replied, "Well, i was walking across campus the other day. This beautiful woman rode up to me on her bike, ripped off all her clothes, laid down on the ground and said 'Take anything you want!!!'"

The second engineer replied, "Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyway!"

The challenge is to take the key components from the prose and introduce each in proper order with a good rhyme and classic metric:

Some girl on two wheels; nude as a tyke
Challenged me to “Take what e’er you like!”
Well I pondered a bit
Saw her clothes just won’t fit
So I’m riding this pretty new bike

Another joke...

Mary Poppins in India

There were 20 punny stories in the e-mail I received, but I will share only one today...

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him:

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis