The Friend I know as Howard Wiles

I wanted to write this while I have the time, the will, and the freshness of memory. Although nothing on earth can revive the heartbeat of our lost loves, it remains true that laughter, kind words, a touch, and shared moments will keep him at our side. Far from an empty wish, it is our solace to never forget, a gift from God. And so, here is the man to whom we've offered our final farewells...

Howard was a technology buff with a special knack for understanding computer networks in large industry as well as at home. His extensive knowledge of protocols and large corporate systems was exemplary. He worked hard at his career, but there is so much more...

His family remained the chief focus of every day for Howard; he shared both concerns and boasts alike for his sons. Their lives became his story, so much so that his home was the gathering place for many teenagers, a place where they could talk, laugh, and learn. His wisdom made a strong impact on many young men who know Howard as a mentor who reached out to push them in the right direction.

He was more than just a Dallas Cowboys fan; he KNEW football. He lived the game from his youth onward and played for Arizona State achieving victory at the Fiesta Bowl in 1983. This same university gave us Jim Jeffcoat, Defensive End, who graduated the previous year to join the Dallas team. Also, famed NFL star quarterback, Danny White, was a Sun Devil back in the 70's. Although sidelined with a career-ending knee injury, he coached from the bench (or couch) and actively cheered for his sons in their sporting days!

He loved God and shared his faith with all who knew him, including as a Sunday School teacher for many years. He presented the Gospel with an uplifting attitude that came from an abiding faith within. Jesus' instruction struck him personally so that his discipleship was more than words; he met the needs of others in action as when his family assisted with emergency relief efforts. Although he certainly held a great presence physically, his spiritual stature among his peers was larger still. A respected man who sought the Lord's will in his own life.

He was a good son, daily caring for his mother despite her failing health and he was sure to include her on family vacations to Disney World. He loved being at the Magic Kingdom in Florida with family and friends to enjoy such special times together. It is fitting that a land of dreams was where he found comfort; unable to experience the roller-coaster aspect, he found satisfaction in the smiles and the laughter... and the food ;-)

His wife, Jeri, lived at the center of Howard's life; he knew just how blessed a man is who has a godly wife. He cared for her deeply and strove to offer more than support; to provide a home to grow a happy family; to be nurturing in spirit; to instill values and character in their sons; to know her heart; to share their days; and above all, to love her more than himself.

Notwithstanding his ill health, chronic pain, and a medley of medications, he kept cheerful so that he greeted friends with a smile. Whether enjoying dinner, a backyard swim, sharing stories, or playing with grandchildren, Howard stood out as an encourager! Children were strongly drawn to him - my grand-daughter called him "Tower'd" which reminds me that he stood tall despite his damaged legs. Some thought he was Santa Claus; his resemblance in girth, gray and whiskers is easily noted, but what makes the comparison ring true is his giving, joyful spirit, and love for others!

He was a good friend to me in every way
He would hold nothing back from me if I had a need
He would give what he had and ask others to help
He would tell me the truth when a lie would be easier
He was as much my grand-daughters' Papa as I am
He was a father for his sons' friends
He is a man with a legacy alive today in us
He brightened my day
He was a man of heart

Tick Della Roo

Me: "My face hurts!"
Wife: "It's killin' me!"

Haha - that's Wicks family humor for ya! I had to record a voice message for my new boss on Tuesday to let him know that I would be late as I had to see my dentist about a tooth ache. Couldn't say that my face hurt...

Despite his enthusiasm, X-Rays, and several tests, my dentist couldn't solve it, so my merciful wife "encouraged" me to visit a Care Now doc last night who had the fun of diagnosing me as a victim of Tic Douloureux, so at least my latest disorder has a sexy French appelation...

The bad news, however, began quickly with my Google searches:

** "Tic douloureux is generally a disease of middle age or later life" - okay, so I'm there and the parts are wearing out.

** "...is possibly the most painful condition known to medical science" - ooh, not so good to learn that, except I can brag about it at cocktail parties!

** "...the cause of this disorder is unknown in most cases" - darn, but I'm sure it can't last long!

** "...patients may have daily face pain attacks for weeks to months" - well, medical science must have a cure!

** "...after a remission (if any), it reoccurs as severe as ever, while other individuals have the pain continually" - ouch!

** "...for most patients, the episodes become more frequent and more resistant to treatment with medications over time" - darn Internet can provide too much information!

** "...there are severe surgical procedures that might be effective" - which means brain surgery as in skull bone cutting, etc...

** "...there are no long-term medical consequences of the disorder as it is purely a pain syndrome" - pain without consequences! Yippee...

** "'...victims 'are begging to be killed,' said Kim Burchiel, M.D., professor and chairman of neurological surgery at the Oregon Health & Science University School of Medicine, 'I'm telling you, it's total agony'" - maybe an expert, but I'm not sure I want to see Dr. Kim about my prospects...

Okay, enough already with the Internet advice!

If YOU don't have TN (aka Trigeminal Neuralgia), then congratulations! Enjoy not being in the worst pain ever... with no prospect for an effective cure. Still, you should worry as "it is estimated that 1 in 15,000 people suffer from it...", but don't pull those teeth quite yet!

My arrival in my late 40's and recent bouts with illness (e.g. a recent, painful, yet benign and huge blood clot in my leg) is an opportunity to be reminded of mortality and to accept being reliant upon others for some of the simplest things in life.

Can I find a blessing in this tribulation? I know it is possible and have done so before and observed the witness of those who praise God despite their most daunting troubles.

Physically, there appears to be a fault in the design of this facial nerve, but parts naturally wear out and it is a more basic tenet of science that dictates the failure of systems. However, if illness, trauma, and all things unwelcome were eliminated, would the world provide a foundation in which humanity would thrive?

Beyond Mother Nature's call for the Circle of Life to govern her domain and prevent any long-term domination by either individual or species, I am certain that the challenging Problem of Evil lies at the core of our happiness itself.

I may be very upset at an illness which strikes randomly without any apparent cause, but it is a reminder of a justice that is truly blind. Can I appreciate happiness without having known the dissatisfaction of an unmet need? I must say that when my TN pain subsides from any of my dozen "attacks" each day, the respite is so welcome that I experience great comfort and appreciation for my relief. Perhaps, even made deeper in that it is a temporal restoration, bound not to endure and not under my control.

Without illness, there is no need. Without need, there is no assistance. Without assistance, there is no giving. Without giving, there is no sacrifice. Without sacrifice, there is no love.

My infirmity is required so that you can offer love. For me to learn to love, I must recognize your need and decide to sacrifice what I have to give and assist.

Hopefully, my Tic will subside. If not tomorrow, then soon. But, the reminder of how many needs in this world remain unmet should remain on my mind forever. After all, it would be shameful for my pain to be wasted...

Remebrance

I was taught by one of my uncles that we "live our lives on the dash" referring to that Oh-so-small-single-stroke character on our gravestone that shall sit between the dates that mark birth and death. It is just a separator of the two most significant events in a lifetime, but that is all we have in which to be thrilled, grieved, awed, and inspired. These are the only moments to love, hope, and express our faith. It is so very brief - a short instant in human history that passes swiftly by and is gone like a vapor.

As I reflect upon the recent passing of my Uncle Bill after Christmas last year, I am reminded of his kindness, enthusiasm and the enjoyment he had for his friends and family whom he dearly loved. He was diligent to keep all of us in his life and made sure to reach out to everyone to let them know that he cared. He was ever youthful (as evidenced by the photo) with praise for all, a light-hearted outlook, and a desire to comprehend our world. I shall always remember the stories, advice and times together as I reflect on a man of character, who was a success worthy of fond remembrance as he accomplished so much in the days he was granted.

What lesson do I gain from such an example? To live fully, touching the hearts of those precious souls whose paths meet with mine. To focus more on the present, the people beside me and simply the current moment. If we cannot be certain upon what lies beyond death, can we unite together and express our affections during the fleeting time in which we stand on this side of time? I hope so and believe that he did too. Thanks, Uncle Bill. In your memory, I offer a few words to ponder....

---

Waiting

Some say the doors loom large and dark
Some say the entrance is not easy
Some say the far side is so much better
Some say there is no door at all

Yet here we wait
All of our days
In queue
And wonder

What lies beyond that gate prepared for us?
From which we cannot escape
Nor comprehend from this locked side
At which we are waiting still

Every day
Thousands pass through
Most are forced
But a few select themselves to cross the threshold

What shall we achieve
Whilst we wait?
Is the line itself our purpose?
Rather than the destination beyond?

The young know not
The old are too aware
Hence both enjoy their greatest hours
For this moment is all they feel

But not me
I am far away
And the wait will be long
I have time to think

But still I am limp
Doing nothing but watching time
And seeing nothing
And saying nothing

I am punished for my indecision
Must I see the path before me?
Can I know what fate shall come?
Will I trust the shouting voices?

What toll must be paid?
And to whom shall I render?
Is my liability insurmountable?
Or is the debt not mine at all?

These questions posed
Do not yield to our answers
And thus extends our wait
Before the doors

Shall we draw together then
To nurture justice and love deeply
United by our common fate
To share this finite moment

For when time ends
And loved ones part
All that remains for us to know
Is the wait itself

---

Typically, waiting in line is something endured before the ‘show’. Many people feel that we are in store for great times in the afterlife, so the comparison intrigued me. So, why should we treat our years in line as a burden when this perspective might encourage us to share these limited days with the folks “who just happen to be standing next to us” with love and understanding?

What CAN your government do for YOU?

A friend's e-mail arrived today with a simple quote worthy of a minute's consideration...

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

- Dr. Adrian Rogers, (1931-2005), Pastor, Author

This is not just another day...

I experienced a very odd event on a recent afternoon -- mostly, I think, because it surprised me...

I now work in a building that is within a mile of my first professional employment that I accepted in August of '85. I pass by that old office building on my drive in to the "new" one (which is actually older than I am). Mega Corp, Inc. likes to train us thoroughly and schedules plenty of meetings, so another was planned for a recent afternoon to learn more about how to avoid looking like we don't understand what we do (or something like that).

So, off across the parking lots and alleyways and crosswalks to another building and to the mini-auditorium (so called), when I realize (rather instantly) that I had been there just twenty-two years ago. The same coat racks, phones, carpet, (bright orange) chairs, walls, etc. A real time-warp hit me that I had gone back to a lost (and hidden) moment. Not just any moment though. In early February of 1987 (perhaps on that same day? Could it have been?), I was in that same auditorium in the same third row when my pager buzzed me. No cell phones for me then. So, my one-way device alerted me with a simple phone number to ring back. This is a strong memory because that pager was for one purpose - to alert me to my wife's hospital room, where she was on bed rest from nausea and complications while expecting baby K...

Perhaps unnecessarily, but youthfully, I jumped and ran to reach a phone. But none worked in the auditorium lobby (they still don't I expect) and thus began the sprint across parking lots, alleyways, and walkways back to my (old) office to call and discover the cause of the page. Details vanish, but I drove like an idiot back home (yup, through several red-lights). To this day, I generally forgive other idiots who rush by me (and keep going) since I assume they are headed off to deal with something gone terribly awry).

I am close, you see, to a birthday that only two people recognize. Other folk will acknowledge the upcoming date by taunting the Triscadecaphobes among us with stories of "Friday the Thirteenth". But I have only one story this day to ponder of a Friday long since past on which a Full Moon shone brightly, the TV show Dallas was still new (and on the air that night), a candy bar needed to be purchased from a vending machine (to sate a pregnant craving), flights of stairs were climbed while in labor (the hospital elevator was sooo slow) and a (very) little girl was born on that early morning to touch our lives briefly yet evermore...

Perhaps each day our paths meet along side of another soul experiencing a similar reminder on their calendar? We each have a tragedy (or more) in our private Soap Opera episodes and must recognize these recurring anniversaries, recollections, déjà vu sensations of colors or scents, and, yes, for secret birth dates, too. Is it sad for me to have only one person with whom to share these times? Not at all, for I have such great blessings to enjoy as it would be sadder still to have no-one at all by my side!

I am thankful now for a time of reflection on my life and the challenges that face every one of us. May such tribulations enhance the days ahead with gratitude and lift our spirits to rise from grief to fully embrace eternal love. Little K was in our lives for just 35 days, but she remains in two hearts forever more. And if I should reach out in her spirit to share a comfort with a friend, a smile with a passer-by, or a prayer with God, then her short moment in time shall be well celebrated indeed...