Land of Wool and Lava

English is spoken well here - even half the graffiti is in English. And every hostess, desk clerk and citizen knows to use our native tongue when engaging these Americans in conversation. How, I wonder, do we not appear to be natives of this land? It is Winter, so we are bundled in coats, gloves, hats and such - this is the way everyone is dressed. And most carry a small backpack just like I do. Perhaps, these days, there are more tourists in Reykjavik than locals and so, it's simply the safest verbal opening to offer...

The foreigner count is so high, we believe, due to the extensive deals offered from Iceland Air via the Groupon-like online emailer, TravelZoo. In our wanderings, those whom we met had purchased a similar $700/pp deal to spend 3 nights in Iceland, airfaire & hotel included, with several excursion packages too. Twas only an extended weekend and our travel time alone was more than twice the 7-hour flight from Denver. So, 30 hours of airplanes, TSA gauntlets and traffic in exchange for 80 hours of vacation! But it certainly is worth the effort.

It is always a gentle surprise to select an airline that respects their customers and does not treat the non-business traveler with disdain as do the big US domestic carriers. Still no free meals, but a pleasant welcome and a iceberg-shaped bottle of genuine glacier water imported for us from our destination. The drink-of-the-day on this polar route was the hand-crafted Champagne Shower Sour Power, a mix of sweet Vermouth, Vodka, apple vinegar and... pop-rocks! For $12, our flight attendant blended ingredients and shook vigorously for a full minute; all worth the show and taste. Yup, long days with short nights leads to crazy inventiveness!

If you touch down before sunrise on a Saturday, be prepared to roam the streets with fellow arrivals until the kaffitar (coffee shops) open. At that time, quickly grab a seat and order a $5 better-than-Starbucks warm beverage in a cup and a chocolate croissant side. Ah, just the first $20 for food of much more yet to be spent...

Since our hotel, the Center Skjaldbreid in old downtown, would not have a room for us until the afternoon, we began our shopping! We found a Christmas shop and passed on the $80 stuffed white moose in favor of a simple ornament, to become another annual memory of travels long past. Every fourth storefront sells wool goods including the traditional lopapeysa (sweater), which is mandatory attire for all tour guides.

Next stop is the tallest landmark in the city, Hallgrímskirkja, a 244' towering space-shuttle shaped church built in concrete to resemble the hexagonal basaltic lava columns. In classic Gothic style, yet with minimal decoration, the lines and open spaces dominate. For 700 krona each ($6.20), we lift up to the observation deck with wide views across the town sloping down to the waterfront; now, we've seen it all...

With even more time still available, we choose to hit a local hot pot. This term refers to the geothermal spas and pools, which are prevalent across the land, even in the smallest hamlets. We are directed to the oldest one in the city, where only the locals are found; indeed, we are the lone tourists and enjoy a soak in some large hot tubs on the rooftop. Ahhhhh....

Next, a stop at Prikið, one of the oldest eateries in town for lunch: a hamburger for her and fried codfish for him with my first beer, a Viking. Just 25 years ago (in 1989), Iceland ended the final part of their alcohol prohibition to permit the sale of beer; that day is March 1st, so I celebrated the local culture as best I could...

We were certainly blessed to see majestic Northern Lights, the bucket-list objective that launched this voyage overseas. On our first evening, we set sail into the harbor to pull away from the city lights with 100+ passengers; within minutes, we were told to go up on deck (in the chilly air and strong winds) to see the lights! On this initial opportunity, as all were huddled together, we were filled with a combination of gladness to see them tempered with disappointment at how boring they actually were...

"Is that faint grey cloud really the phenom that has brought us here?" "Yes, that's it alright" we are told. In the next 15 minutes, however, that cloud exploded into emerald curtains pulsating with waves across the entire horizon. They move rather quickly changing brightness and drawing shapes ranging from dragons to flowers. Photographs saturate the color and show it much brighter, but the live action is wonderful and awe inspiring. And, then we saw them again the next night (at 1am) from the beach!

Upon our return to terra firma, it is time for a grand arctic tradition - a pylsa (with sweet relish remoulaude) from the internationally famous Bæjarins Bestu (awarded Best in Europe, 2006). We stand in line for a few minutes to get a pair of extremely tasty $3 hotdogs; yummmm!

This is truly a party-town with constant activity through the weekend nights; our hotel provides perfect access to hear it all, like that or not. The next day, we are greeted with the sounds from a local marching brass band playing New Orleans tunes in honor of upcoming Mardis Gras. Then, they added some Bear Necessities from Disney...

On our final evening, we enjoyed a pleasant Italian dinner at Caruso's, a well-received establishment with fine dishes; it is expensive at ~$60/pp but since a simple hamburger can run $25, one must keep perspective on the value received.  

The chamber of commerce has created the Golden Circle, which defines a countryside excursion route taking 6 hours to see the wonders of this volcanic landscape: we crossed the tectonic rift between the North American and European plates, viewed a mountain glacier, watched the original Geysir from which the common name is derived, saw grazing Icelandic horses, and braved two frozen waterfall vistas.

The final excursion was to the Blue Lagoon, a converted effluent pit from the electric utility that is more dull green than blue. The waters range from warm to hot (!) and crowds swarm to bathe and absorb the sulfurous liquid. Ah, mother nature at her utmost; it was rather soothing ;-)

The home turf of Leifur Ericson holds wonders, tastes, and vistas that amaze and inspire; a perfect place for a long weekend away...

See more photos here.

Fording America in a Chrysler

In early June of 2011, we set off on a round-trip drive from Texas to New York so that we (that is, Cheryl) would have her own car for her 6-week long summer vacation (while I promptly returned by plane to the coal mines of Dallas). The drive up north was a quick dash in two days to cover the 1500 miles in about 24 hours of "road time" (quick stops included).

I planned this trip just as our grand-parents did road trips - just start driving! I made no reservations in advance... no checking carefully for internet ratings, best prices, and such... "we'll just go til we get tired and find a road-side h/motel for the evening" thought I. Well, my thoughts were in need of some rehabilitation - we drove around for some time (in the rain) looking for an available room in the Louisville area - only after several stops did we find a vacancy. Fortunately, a decent one - I am a "luckier-than-average bear"...

As a reward for the accelerated no-frills first half (and to make up just a tad for my having not properly planned our single night's need for restful accommodation), I made our return in July a lil more interesting...

Cedar Point

Our nephew, Thor, is working his first post-college summer as a seat-checker (aka fat-tourist-stuffer) on the Raptor roller-coaster at the Great Amusement Park in Sandusky, Ohio. He is working for below-minimum-wage in order to learn about hard work, commitment, and to further the fun-level of America's Touring Tourists. As a minor side benefit, his girlfriend, Paige, just happens to work 500 feet away at the Disaster Transport attraction ;-)

In a day-and-a-half, we experienced plenty of thrills in the summer heat near Lake Erie - we rode in the front row of every ride, including the 310' Golden Ticket "number 1 rated" steel coaster for 2010, Millennium Force! There are many coasters here and a rather good Wooden one - the Mean Streak - which is highly rated, very smooth (at least down the first drop) and quite long.

Some great rides, good air time, plenty of G's and a successful smart-phone launch at 90+ MPH from Cheryl's purse! Both Thor and Paige (in row #2) had the optimal viewing angle to see the 3-day-old Android escape heavenward in sloooow mooootion into a lovely Blue Sky on a unplanned voyage to a seemingly doomed meeting with Planet Earth... After a (clandestine?) search, it was recovered and is operational having only lost the back panel - now that story should beat the abuse dished out by Swayze and Mongo in the old Timex adverts hands-down!

BTW, when booking a hotel room, read the online reviews and check carefully but remember that sometimes it just isn't possible to know in advance that your River View room looks out over a brown stream towards a large grain mill and a cement factory! Still, we stumbled upon Wing Night next door and indulged a 'plenty!

@Thor & Paige: Thanks for a fun adventure!

From Saints to Sinners

The following day began with a 280-mile dash across Ohio to reach the beauty of Kentucky! And not only the lovely hills there, but to reach sanctuary at St. Mary's Basilica just over the border from Cincinnati. It can make you wanna be Catholic for this is like being in Europe in the cathedrals from centuries past - this church was built by local Irish and German families over two decades and has the World's Largest church stained glass window (67' x 24') which is worth seeing for itself alone; however, there are many more fantastic windows (see pic at left), carvings, and murals - plus, the huge organ and the Gothic architecture of the building itself. A blessed beginning to our day...

...was derailed in no time by a stop at the Jim Beam distillery. Yup, its easy to tour every one of the Bourbon manufacturers in the state and learn the ways of moonshinin' and sip as much white lightning as you like. We did only the one factory since JB is the largest of them all. Our tour guide was a young Kentucky belle who is a family descendent of the dynasty. She showed us a miniature working still (see pic) and taught us how to make a proper corn-mash, double distill, burn our barrels, and wait 9 years for the results - makes cheese-making seem like its done in a microwave! That is a long time to hope no one breaks into the warehouse with an awl and a straw... and (to my unrefined palate) the final hooch is harsh (129-proof)!

I learned that the secret to finding an authentic Mountain Dew Still in the woods is to look for black bark on the trees - really - the distillation releases (happy) gas that encourages (very noticeable) mold growth on nearby forests - this is how those darn revenuers caught pappy back in the day! So, after a few sips of the devil's drink....

...we spent a night in jail! After arriving in the state's second oldest city of Bardstown, we passed the luxurious Wickland estate where three Governors have lived so that we could sleep in the haunted county prison, the Jailer's Inn. Yup, it has now been converted to a B&B, but the building still has 30" of limestone for the exterior walls, large timbers for the ceilings, remnants of shackles on the floors and walls, and several un-restored cells for viewing. This was a harsh lock-up where justice was swift - and slightly capricious at the whim of the presiding sheriff or traveling judge.

The innkeeper, Dixie, is an ex-Texan grandmother who is escaping the drudgery of daily childcare for her offspring's children by living in a spooky prison cell in a jail only closed down in 1987 after a century (and a half) of housing plenty of ne'er-do-wells like Jesse James - apparently (says she), his cousin was married to the local sheriff so he and his gang stayed there at the jail as a true guest where the state law would not think to look for him! Must admit tho, that is a good hideout and a fine story...

"Don't look inside the cellar!" says Dixie as she nods her head up and down to encourage our misdeed - I still wonder what was down there? Neither of us, for the record, were bound over for trial (I have a good attorney).

Oh, and when YOU drive through there, remember to stop by at Hadorn's Bakery and get a YumYum (or two) - it's worth the drive!

The War Years

Kentucky could have kept Lincoln if only they didn't have so many land-deed disputes that drove his family away to Illinois. Our Great President was born in a small log cabin on our nation's frontier while his father was unable to return home due to a winter storm. He was not so poor as one might think, as his father made out well in due time (according to the tax rolls), but his home was far from luxury even for that day.

A Federal Memorial marks the exact spot of his birth (coincidentally, on President's Day), verified by archeological evidence. It is a neo-classical design (by John Russell Pope who also did the Jefferson Memorial) with an ornate and symbolic presence at the top of a small hill in the deep green woodland. In contrast, the small cabin is placed inside and alone to accentuate the rags-to-riches story of this man who, many say, was the one to truly create the American Dream in a land where it was not yet present in fact.
So, from his childhood years at the dawn of the 1800's, we head south into the war zone near his final years in the 1860's. As a Californian, I learned too little about the War of Northern Aggression, but as a Texan-in-Training, I try to catch up. Shiloh ("Place of Peace") was a small Methodist church, housed in a modest log cabin in the Tennessee hills, but here in April of '62, Yankees and Rebels clashed in our nation's bloodiest fighting (up to that day) in a key battle for two days, then moving south to Corinth (MS) where the southern forces were defeated. Future US Presidents, Grant and Garfield, fought here as well. This was just the beginning of our tragic war for greater carnage would follow - and at this hour, our nation learned just how much suffering was ahead.

For the true student of The War, markers are placed in hundreds of locations at which one can stand where cannon were placed, attacks mounted, retreats taken, and a general fell dead (from a stray shot they say). Skittering among the remnants and remembrance are forest animals being cute - really - we watched baby raccoons dig for food and several baby deer jumping in the woods....

Redemption

After drinking and driving, prison and war, one seeks relief... so why not at America's Greatest Mansion on the Mississippi, Graceland? There are plenty of memorabillia for sale and customers there to buy it all - mostly with Australia/NewZealand/British accents indicating to me that we have successfully exported our highest values of democracy to the world at large.

Speaking of value - the Heartbreak Hotel is a Memphis bargain right next to Elvis World USA and HE is on EVERY channel on EVERY TV in the place! In the lobby is a hotline phone - pick it up to get a PINK LIMO ride over to Marlowe's (as featured on Food Network) for BBQ - we did just that with no regrets...

From Tupelo to Tennessee, the story of Elvis is another "anyone can grow up to be..." epic that we honor so often. Frankly, the tour is properly kitchy, but it is still quite interesting to see how a young man turned suddenly (and significantly) famous has to balance personal & private life and how his abundance of money was spent.

He did indulge himself quite a bit... with cars, airplanes, bikes, technology (like big color televisions and a microwave) - essentially classic man-toys of that era. However, he also gave money away to many worthy causes... and friends & family of course. His home was a man-cave with carpeted ceilings, expensive furnishings, plenty of "look at me" styles. Not that it wouldn't have been fun to be a 3-day house guest during the 60's!

He passed away at 42, a short life of marriage & divorce, birth (of Lisa Marie) & death (of his mother), poverty & wealth, fame & isolation, talent & ignorance, good choices & bad...

And, now I finally know - for certain - that MY swimming pool is BIGGER than his...

PS. No surprise that I have even more photos and blather online!

The Friend I know as Howard Wiles

I wanted to write this while I have the time, the will, and the freshness of memory. Although nothing on earth can revive the heartbeat of our lost loves, it remains true that laughter, kind words, a touch, and shared moments will keep him at our side. Far from an empty wish, it is our solace to never forget, a gift from God. And so, here is the man to whom we've offered our final farewells...

Howard was a technology buff with a special knack for understanding computer networks in large industry as well as at home. His extensive knowledge of protocols and large corporate systems was exemplary. He worked hard at his career, but there is so much more...

His family remained the chief focus of every day for Howard; he shared both concerns and boasts alike for his sons. Their lives became his story, so much so that his home was the gathering place for many teenagers, a place where they could talk, laugh, and learn. His wisdom made a strong impact on many young men who know Howard as a mentor who reached out to push them in the right direction.

He was more than just a Dallas Cowboys fan; he KNEW football. He lived the game from his youth onward and played for Arizona State achieving victory at the Fiesta Bowl in 1983. This same university gave us Jim Jeffcoat, Defensive End, who graduated the previous year to join the Dallas team. Also, famed NFL star quarterback, Danny White, was a Sun Devil back in the 70's. Although sidelined with a career-ending knee injury, he coached from the bench (or couch) and actively cheered for his sons in their sporting days!

He loved God and shared his faith with all who knew him, including as a Sunday School teacher for many years. He presented the Gospel with an uplifting attitude that came from an abiding faith within. Jesus' instruction struck him personally so that his discipleship was more than words; he met the needs of others in action as when his family assisted with emergency relief efforts. Although he certainly held a great presence physically, his spiritual stature among his peers was larger still. A respected man who sought the Lord's will in his own life.

He was a good son, daily caring for his mother despite her failing health and he was sure to include her on family vacations to Disney World. He loved being at the Magic Kingdom in Florida with family and friends to enjoy such special times together. It is fitting that a land of dreams was where he found comfort; unable to experience the roller-coaster aspect, he found satisfaction in the smiles and the laughter... and the food ;-)

His wife, Jeri, lived at the center of Howard's life; he knew just how blessed a man is who has a godly wife. He cared for her deeply and strove to offer more than support; to provide a home to grow a happy family; to be nurturing in spirit; to instill values and character in their sons; to know her heart; to share their days; and above all, to love her more than himself.

Notwithstanding his ill health, chronic pain, and a medley of medications, he kept cheerful so that he greeted friends with a smile. Whether enjoying dinner, a backyard swim, sharing stories, or playing with grandchildren, Howard stood out as an encourager! Children were strongly drawn to him - my grand-daughter called him "Tower'd" which reminds me that he stood tall despite his damaged legs. Some thought he was Santa Claus; his resemblance in girth, gray and whiskers is easily noted, but what makes the comparison ring true is his giving, joyful spirit, and love for others!

He was a good friend to me in every way
He would hold nothing back from me if I had a need
He would give what he had and ask others to help
He would tell me the truth when a lie would be easier
He was as much my grand-daughters' Papa as I am
He was a father for his sons' friends
He is a man with a legacy alive today in us
He brightened my day
He was a man of heart

Top o' the Charts!

How about them Rangers? Our MLB baseball team has now set a club record with the best season start in this millennium! Unbelievable, but TRUE... And all this in just TWO games! Gotta hand it to these boys...

Bon Voyage

The excitement is palpable (whatever that means) as the departure nears for the women in our lives to set out on a road n' sea trip...


Has the world yet heard the exciting news
'Bout the ladies’ imminent ocean cruise?
There will be no men -
Only estrogen!
Might the ship flounder with all those shoes?

Y'all cheer, “Let’s go! Be rid of the guys!”
As you sail on toward azure blue skies
Old Salts have a ball
At each port of call
With plastic in hand for cheap Mexican buys

Vodka tonics, Margaritas and rum
Will assure there’s no end to the fun
Stewards kept busy
Keepin’ gals dizzy
‘Tween ports while at sea, you’ll always be numb

Diets forgotten at endless buffet -
Soaking up sun before evening Soiree!
Ogling teen pool boys...
Viewin’ men as toys...
Raising a toast to the “American Way”!

Hurricanes, Grasshoppers, Mojitos -
Ease burdens and lighten those sorrows
But don't shed that dress
If you drink to excess
Just what surprise might you likely expose?

Then, off to the beach for a surfside splash
Draining ev’ry purse of any last cash
Your wild cougar pack
Just need not look back
Despite scalding burns from each Hot Flash

Then back upon land you'll return
Drained by liquor, the sea and sunburn
Captured memories...
Dozens of stories...
And perhaps next year, it’s the guys’ turn!

Tick Della Roo

Me: "My face hurts!"
Wife: "It's killin' me!"

Haha - that's Wicks family humor for ya! I had to record a voice message for my new boss on Tuesday to let him know that I would be late as I had to see my dentist about a tooth ache. Couldn't say that my face hurt...

Despite his enthusiasm, X-Rays, and several tests, my dentist couldn't solve it, so my merciful wife "encouraged" me to visit a Care Now doc last night who had the fun of diagnosing me as a victim of Tic Douloureux, so at least my latest disorder has a sexy French appelation...

The bad news, however, began quickly with my Google searches:

** "Tic douloureux is generally a disease of middle age or later life" - okay, so I'm there and the parts are wearing out.

** "...is possibly the most painful condition known to medical science" - ooh, not so good to learn that, except I can brag about it at cocktail parties!

** "...the cause of this disorder is unknown in most cases" - darn, but I'm sure it can't last long!

** "...patients may have daily face pain attacks for weeks to months" - well, medical science must have a cure!

** "...after a remission (if any), it reoccurs as severe as ever, while other individuals have the pain continually" - ouch!

** "...for most patients, the episodes become more frequent and more resistant to treatment with medications over time" - darn Internet can provide too much information!

** "...there are severe surgical procedures that might be effective" - which means brain surgery as in skull bone cutting, etc...

** "...there are no long-term medical consequences of the disorder as it is purely a pain syndrome" - pain without consequences! Yippee...

** "'...victims 'are begging to be killed,' said Kim Burchiel, M.D., professor and chairman of neurological surgery at the Oregon Health & Science University School of Medicine, 'I'm telling you, it's total agony'" - maybe an expert, but I'm not sure I want to see Dr. Kim about my prospects...

Okay, enough already with the Internet advice!

If YOU don't have TN (aka Trigeminal Neuralgia), then congratulations! Enjoy not being in the worst pain ever... with no prospect for an effective cure. Still, you should worry as "it is estimated that 1 in 15,000 people suffer from it...", but don't pull those teeth quite yet!

My arrival in my late 40's and recent bouts with illness (e.g. a recent, painful, yet benign and huge blood clot in my leg) is an opportunity to be reminded of mortality and to accept being reliant upon others for some of the simplest things in life.

Can I find a blessing in this tribulation? I know it is possible and have done so before and observed the witness of those who praise God despite their most daunting troubles.

Physically, there appears to be a fault in the design of this facial nerve, but parts naturally wear out and it is a more basic tenet of science that dictates the failure of systems. However, if illness, trauma, and all things unwelcome were eliminated, would the world provide a foundation in which humanity would thrive?

Beyond Mother Nature's call for the Circle of Life to govern her domain and prevent any long-term domination by either individual or species, I am certain that the challenging Problem of Evil lies at the core of our happiness itself.

I may be very upset at an illness which strikes randomly without any apparent cause, but it is a reminder of a justice that is truly blind. Can I appreciate happiness without having known the dissatisfaction of an unmet need? I must say that when my TN pain subsides from any of my dozen "attacks" each day, the respite is so welcome that I experience great comfort and appreciation for my relief. Perhaps, even made deeper in that it is a temporal restoration, bound not to endure and not under my control.

Without illness, there is no need. Without need, there is no assistance. Without assistance, there is no giving. Without giving, there is no sacrifice. Without sacrifice, there is no love.

My infirmity is required so that you can offer love. For me to learn to love, I must recognize your need and decide to sacrifice what I have to give and assist.

Hopefully, my Tic will subside. If not tomorrow, then soon. But, the reminder of how many needs in this world remain unmet should remain on my mind forever. After all, it would be shameful for my pain to be wasted...

Do You Scream for this Ice Cream?

Is this our President flashing the victory sign in front of the US Capital building? Maybe it is, but I'm not quite sure who's flag that is - did Obama create a new one to match his Presidential Seal? The Russian advertising agency, Voskhod, is promising a new flavor of the week for Duet Ice Cream: "Black in White"! They claim that "Everyone is talking about it", so perhaps we should encourage adialog like the Germans have done with their line of snacks called "Obama Fingers" - frozen chicken fingers with curry dip! He is the "World's Leader" and was the overwhelming favorite for the non-US citizenry. Is this why he was their chosen one for the White House? Is our President a windfall of profit via marketing? Well, "It was supposed to be a homage to the American lifestyle and the new US president," Judith Witting, sales manager for the company, told the paper...

Finally, they really love him in the city of Obama in Japan, where marketers are capitalizing on his universal message of change in a television spot for E-Mobile. A primate dressed in a presidential monkey suit sells cell phones in this senselessly insane TV commercial.

Chimp Invaders attack Stars!

These reports indicate that chimp invaders are focusing their aggression on celebrities!

March 19, 2009: Katy Perry was personally assaulted.

May 11, 2008: Christina Ricci was molested!

January 24, 2009: Even the Bollywood movie industry in India is succumbing to Japanese demands that chimpanzees become stars in their cinema productions!

Why the silence from mainstream news reporters? This should be in the major headlines!

Remebrance

I was taught by one of my uncles that we "live our lives on the dash" referring to that Oh-so-small-single-stroke character on our gravestone that shall sit between the dates that mark birth and death. It is just a separator of the two most significant events in a lifetime, but that is all we have in which to be thrilled, grieved, awed, and inspired. These are the only moments to love, hope, and express our faith. It is so very brief - a short instant in human history that passes swiftly by and is gone like a vapor.

As I reflect upon the recent passing of my Uncle Bill after Christmas last year, I am reminded of his kindness, enthusiasm and the enjoyment he had for his friends and family whom he dearly loved. He was diligent to keep all of us in his life and made sure to reach out to everyone to let them know that he cared. He was ever youthful (as evidenced by the photo) with praise for all, a light-hearted outlook, and a desire to comprehend our world. I shall always remember the stories, advice and times together as I reflect on a man of character, who was a success worthy of fond remembrance as he accomplished so much in the days he was granted.

What lesson do I gain from such an example? To live fully, touching the hearts of those precious souls whose paths meet with mine. To focus more on the present, the people beside me and simply the current moment. If we cannot be certain upon what lies beyond death, can we unite together and express our affections during the fleeting time in which we stand on this side of time? I hope so and believe that he did too. Thanks, Uncle Bill. In your memory, I offer a few words to ponder....

---

Waiting

Some say the doors loom large and dark
Some say the entrance is not easy
Some say the far side is so much better
Some say there is no door at all

Yet here we wait
All of our days
In queue
And wonder

What lies beyond that gate prepared for us?
From which we cannot escape
Nor comprehend from this locked side
At which we are waiting still

Every day
Thousands pass through
Most are forced
But a few select themselves to cross the threshold

What shall we achieve
Whilst we wait?
Is the line itself our purpose?
Rather than the destination beyond?

The young know not
The old are too aware
Hence both enjoy their greatest hours
For this moment is all they feel

But not me
I am far away
And the wait will be long
I have time to think

But still I am limp
Doing nothing but watching time
And seeing nothing
And saying nothing

I am punished for my indecision
Must I see the path before me?
Can I know what fate shall come?
Will I trust the shouting voices?

What toll must be paid?
And to whom shall I render?
Is my liability insurmountable?
Or is the debt not mine at all?

These questions posed
Do not yield to our answers
And thus extends our wait
Before the doors

Shall we draw together then
To nurture justice and love deeply
United by our common fate
To share this finite moment

For when time ends
And loved ones part
All that remains for us to know
Is the wait itself

---

Typically, waiting in line is something endured before the ‘show’. Many people feel that we are in store for great times in the afterlife, so the comparison intrigued me. So, why should we treat our years in line as a burden when this perspective might encourage us to share these limited days with the folks “who just happen to be standing next to us” with love and understanding?

Japanese Train Chimp Army!

If you can see it on YouTube, it is true! Not only are the chimps stepping up their attacks on Americans, but this secret footage (disguised as a game show / music video - so be sure to crank the volume!) shows how the Japanese are training chimp recruits for mobilization across the globe...




Asia is clearly planning to have their secret Chimpanzee soldiers fight an urban war by training them to blend in with human society as school children riding the subway!



Warn your friends! Be vigilant! Report simian spies to the authorities! And keep reading for more...

Chimps will rule Earth...

If you don't have a chimpanzee phobia, you should! These recent events are just another resurgence of the ongoing rebellion against humans. If they're not eating your face, they're plotting to crush your skull with a rock. Creepy.

March 9, 2009: A canny Swedish chimpanzee who calmly collected a stash of rocks and then hurled them at zoo visitors in fits of rage has confirmed that apes can plan ahead (and be sneaky and mean) just like humans.

February 17, 2009: A 200-pound pet chimpanzee in Stamford, Connecticut, viciously mauled a woman he had known for years, leaving her critically injured with much of her face torn away.

Be on guard to make certain that these murderous acts don't lead to a world dominated by simian creatures.

Keep reading! The worst is yet to come...

Dishes...

In real-life drama, a failing dish washer forces all domestic havoc to break loose which demands that tough decisions get settled...

In the sink, dirty dishes
Had sat for a week
Not unlike dead fishes
They'd begun to reek

The puddle on the floor
Told the tale so clear
The Maytag was no more
"She's dead" was my fear

No way left to serve food
As the stacks piled high
Wife's in a bad mood
As she'd wash and I dry

If I shan't fix it soon
She'd turn more irate
We had neither a spoon
A fork nor a plate

Twas time to start shopping
For a new washer now
"You've got to get hopping",
So said my dear Frau

Just what happened today
I'm sure you can guess
The old beast hauled away
And replaced with no mess

Our glassware's now lustrous
The silver's so bright
But the biggest new plus
Is my spouse's delight!


Guess what? We have a new automatic dishwashin' machine! A two-week saga is at a close and tranquility is restored to the Rauscher home...

Aging is Relative

Happy Birthday to Albert!



As we celebrate Mr. Einstein's 130th birthday today, we should briefly take note of just how often he acted his age...

Furthermore, I offer my simplest of tributes:

To the man who spurned convention
As he described the fourth dimension
I raise my beer stein
To good ol' Einstein
And for his "timely" comprehension

What the heck, here's a chaser...

According to Einstein's great theory
Light itself can never grow weary
Though they're faster than all
Photons may never stall
For their speed is not arbitrary

When I grow up...

Here is a gentle reminder for all parents to always check your child's homework before they hand it in.

A little girl submitted this picture for a class project that required the children to draw what their parents do for a living…


And here is the mother's response when the teacher questioned the parent about the picture…

Dear Mrs. Brooks,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out of every single shovel that we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at the store. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,
Auretta Jones

Navy SEAL Pup Workout

The US Navy is now training younger recruits by encouraging more physical fitness in their first months. Click on the montage below to view an action-packed slide show of this 5-month old!


Just like her Big Sis, Hallie-Looya
Little Sophie is ready to show ya
That this SEAL Pup
Did her first push-up
No doubt her first word will be Hooyah!

"Rocky"

I was resting in the backyard spa and snapped one of our neighborhood squirrels as she ran by...



Or rather flew by! 'Tis a good show to watch the gymnastics that nature provides.

Next Limerick

So, the joke needs to have the natural flavor of a limerick by being off-color with a twist, so this one meets the criteria:

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

Some elaboration later and voilà:

A misogynist cabbie was grooving
Past a lass who yelled "Pig!" at a curving
He answered her, "Bitch!"
'Fore his crash in the ditch
Since the hog in the road wasn't moving

Limericks du Jour

I began my limerick-in' by targeting some classic family jokes such as this one that mocks the geek who takes a solicitation from a naked co-ed rather literally:

An engineering student was walking across campus with a shiny new mountain bike when he was approached by a friend, also an engineering student. The friend said, "Hey, where'd you get the great looking bike?"

The first engineer replied, "Well, i was walking across campus the other day. This beautiful woman rode up to me on her bike, ripped off all her clothes, laid down on the ground and said 'Take anything you want!!!'"

The second engineer replied, "Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyway!"

The challenge is to take the key components from the prose and introduce each in proper order with a good rhyme and classic metric:

Some girl on two wheels; nude as a tyke
Challenged me to “Take what e’er you like!”
Well I pondered a bit
Saw her clothes just won’t fit
So I’m riding this pretty new bike

Another joke...

What CAN your government do for YOU?

A friend's e-mail arrived today with a simple quote worthy of a minute's consideration...

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

- Dr. Adrian Rogers, (1931-2005), Pastor, Author

China 中國 – Part II (Mao's Missin'!)

First of all, I trust you have read Part I before joining me here....

On Tour:

The Forbidden City covers 720,000 square meters (that is 1,116,002,235 square inches for you metrically challenged readers) and includes five great halls, seventeen palaces, and is reputed to have a total of 9,999 rooms (that number falling just shy of the Chinese concept of infinity symbolized by 10,000 and yet having several 9's, a magic number for royalty). All this indulgence is surrounded by 3,400 meters of stone walls (averaging 7 meters thick and 10 meters high to rebuff cannon attack) and a six meter deep, 52 meter wide (!) moat. Seeing the Emperors’ fancy crib was a good start to touring China as it provided a key perspective on this land and its many centuries of feudalism in which so many supported an elite few for so long.

Our tour company earned our praise mostly for their guides, who were pleasant, capable in English, and knowledgeable about our destinations. They brought us to several touristy spots each day that were interleaved with a factory tour in which we were brought in as a captive audience to view a demonstration, learn the history and observe the manufacture of certain Asian arts. Our guides became head-hunters who were paid a commission for having brought in the tourists and their fat wallets full of Kwai (and plastic) to spend. On one level, we became a commodity, but this type of objectification was not painful and we did our duty by purchasing adequate quantities of appropriate goods to encourage this great Circle of Commerce to prosper for years to come.

Thus, our next stop was an experience of the "Chinese traditional medicine culture", where we had a brief introduction to the mix of Western and Eastern approaches to health, the body, and diagnoses of disease. We are introduced to Eastern medicine and the mapping of the 5 elements (Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, Water) to colors, emotions, and various body parts. At the conclusion of this overview, several doctors in white lab coats enter our classroom to provide a complimentary evaluation of any volunteers among us. The good Doctor's diagnosis is conveyed via a translator to Cathy who is advised to buy some traditional herbs for her "ailments", for which the cost, however, is over $100 for a month's dosage. Cheryl and I also take the bait to test the doctor's insight into our health which is gained only by checking our triple pulse (using three fingers placed upon each wrist) and the visual inspection of our tongue. His conclusion is similar to what any sighted person might advise, that we are both middle-aged and (a touch) overweight. This, we are confident, is a revelation that our local doctors have failed to recognize.

We next stopped to see the expansive grounds of the Temple of Heaven which occupy nearly four times the area of the Forbidden City . This is the famous location where the nation's Emperors would visit annually to pray and offer a sacrifice for the Fall harvest. It is dominated by the Hall of Prayer for Good Harvests, a magnificent triple-gabled circular building, 32 meters in diameter and 38 meters tall, built on top of three concentric levels of a white marble stone base. This structure is completely wooden and constructed without nails (but perhaps just a touch of Gorilla Glue?). Inside the Hall itself are four inner, twelve middle and twelve outer pillars, representing the four seasons, twelve months and twelve traditional Chinese hours (each one being 120 minutes in duration) respectively. For the Chinese, the Earth is represented by a square and Heaven by a circle, so many features of this temple complex symbolize the connection of Heaven and Earth, as seen in the buildings, enclosures, platforms, and landscaping that emphasize the superiority of the heavenly realm over that of earth.

We found ourselves highly fortunate to enjoy grand weather on this day and throughout the remaining week in Beijing. The smog lifted (or was blown away) and blue skies reigned (that's the good kind) with a sunny disposition. Still, the winter cold kept us bundled and bound with hats, mittens and earmuffs. This tour group is small and we are joined with a Colombian family who import Chinese toys to Miami from Hong Kong and so they visit Asia regularly, but it's their first time so far north in the Winter. Thus, for the Escobars, this weather is very cold!

Our daily tours included a lunchtime meal which was at the Bangfuchun Restaurant, where we enjoyed family-style dining with a large Lazy Susan in the center of a table seating our whole family. The fine selections were not unlike those one expects States-side at your local establishment - chicken, pork, (probably) beef, and fish. A highlight was being encouraged (nearly forced) to have a (small) glass of "Chinese white wine", which is actually diesel oil flavored with mouth wash. Good thing I needn't drive that day with 112 proof (56%) jet fuel in my veins -- and I was not the only imbiber that afternoon, but I shall not fink on my nephews...

What Communism?

Onward to a factory where genuine pearls are extracted from the oysters right there in front of one's very eyes. Another marketplace to observe how the products are harvested and strung into lovely jewelry for us to own. No fakes here, obviously, so it is time to buy now. Seriously, we keep our cool and resist the urge to spend frivolously and only let $100 escape from the wallet...

Another 30 minute drive (almost out of town) takes us to the Summer Palace, a very large and beautiful imperial retreat. It is regarded by many experts as a museum of gardens in China having the classic look of a towering Palace on a hill overlooking 2 acres of shimmering lake. The catch is that the landscaping hand of man stretches beyond just the trees, shrubbery and flowers; the hill itself and the entire lake are man-made (just like in Texas and at Disney World). These gardens are the largest destination of the day and our trek around (part of) the frozen Kunming Lake is notable for the elevated corridor on which most of us walk. Originally, only the Emperor (and his attendants) would stride along this half-mile covered portico with its detailed carvings and hand-painted scenes depicting legends and stories of this ancient land. The recurring theme of the Mockingbird from a classic Chinese love story is amplified by the actual birds in the trees nearby. There are also various depictions of the Monkey King, who is strong and swift and can transform into a variety of objects and animals (an ongoing Asian theme apparently) with the exception of his tail! Rather like the Eastern version of Curious George with some magical powers thrown in...

As another reminder of just how the world has changed, street vendors at the palace are hawking plenty of cheap items, in particular both purses and bird calls, although I cannot fathom the connection. At points, we are barraged with invitations to unload our burdensome money. Char, I should note, successfully negotiated a purse from $50 down to just $5 with the simplest phrase – she had said “No thanks” (and she did not buy it). Yes, the initial price is thrown out casually and everyone understands that it is just a starting point to show how great a bargain is about to be presented. Often enough, the price will drop steadily even without making a counter-offer, so silence is as good a bargaining tactic as any for the first round.

At the end of the long corridor is the Marble Boat, a lakeside pier designed by the Empress as an expansive (double-decker house) boat with stained glass, a magnificent bow, and to show off just how much can be done with all that tax money she had available. Cheryl had seen this antiquity on TV long ago and she really wanted to finally see the real thing to prove that one's childhood dreams can come true.

In the evening (on several nights), we visited the Silk Market, where every name-branded retail item is available for sale (e.g. Louis Vuitton, Reebok, Polo). This market of fakes even has fake police, who I suspect are the same kids hired for selling who, while on break, don a vest and helmet to walk about the store looking official. We regularly spotted a teen-aged boy or girl standing near the escalator landings dressed in traditional garb yet appearing very out-of-place in China! I think they were there to sell us on a visit up to a Genghis Khan restaurant. I was tasked to purchase an Ed Hardy rhinestone ball cap, an item that sells for $100 States-side, but was purchased for about $7 at the market. They first offer a special price, several intermediate prices, then a final price, then the lowest price before extending the boyfriend price (while caressing ones cheek affectionately). They are very physical (far more aggressive than in Mexico) and will grab your arm to guide you into their spot, especially if you touch (or look directly upon) an item. The boys, Scotty & Thor, devised a clever team buying approach with a good customer / bad customer style; the second one discouraging any purchase and attracting the distinct ire of the salesperson. So together, they completed many deals (as did all of us) which we discussed eagerly to learn the tricks of this trade.

Cheryl's secret agenda item for this entire voyage (the purpose of the trip shall I say) was to... buy a purse. The male readers (and even a few of the non-males) may find this absurd, but it is certainly not so. As the spouse of a purse-hunter, I have learned to appreciate the bargain, no matter how much effort, planning, blood, and law-breaking may be required of all parties to the transaction. So, once in the market, Cheryl sensed opportunity and struck quickly for if you actually take the initiative with the market's vendors, an even fight is at hand. She had studied carefully, of course, and knew precisely the prey for which she fished and identified the item clearly to the young lady at the booth full of leathery goods. We soon discovered that catalogs and cooperation play a key role as we found the LV satchel pictured on a page of the Chinese Book of the Purses and then the system magically made the item appear. The dealing, however, moved into a side-room away from the main action for, we suspect, some of these items might not be legitimate! Apparently, a mortgage is typically required in the US for most families that take the plunge to acquire a real (read as "very expensive") Looey Vwitone handbag (which is larger than most carry-on suitcases). Not only is Cheryl prepared and informed, but we found ourselves mightily fortunate to have the assistance of the great Purse Master himself! Yes, for Thor had seen a TV show (and actually paid attention) on how to accurately identify such fakes by checking on the color, stitching, etc. Thus, when the fake was pronounced to be a high-quality authentic reproduction, the deal was bound to be finalized and so, for less than a 10-hour taxi ride (or 30 full dinners, or a single oar for that marble boat), she became the proud owner of THAT PURSE. I can assure you that the banner over our hotel room that night read "Mission Accomplished".

The lower floors of the Silk Market are safe, but the 6th floor is very dangerous and up here only the bold and naive (that would be us) dare to tread. One is neither hounded nor assaulted, but rather scrutinized and nearly ignored for here lie the Grand Masters of Sales who appear to be diminutive Chinese girls, but are actually some of the most treacherous demons of the New Capitalism. One finds jade, silk, and pearls in abundance and this is where Cheryl and I found ourselves when the wolves attacked! Pearls are (another) weakness and into the clutches of the Yu Qian Jewelers we walked just as did Hänsel und Gretel who were similarly enticed so that they could be eaten...

There are photographs on the walls of International Celebrities and key political figures (somehow, the Clintons were in every store!), so we are at the right place to strike a bargain. They do not beg you to buy at all, but simply size-up their prey (customers) quickly so take note and do not wear your diamond rings or they will smell blood. A free beer (or two) were offered to me (for I, like Hänsel, am German you see) as a distraction and to repress my instinct to shout "NO". In fact, the ladies were kind and complimentary (having carefully studied the Zen of Flattery) and after brief bargaining down by over 60% (where the scary part is when I realized that an actual price would soon be established), a long strand of Black Pearls was in hand (and on nape). And to let us fully comprehend just how much we had overpaid, they even tossed in TWO Free Gifts!

If it's Tuesday, this must be...

The hotel rooms have disposable slippers that are simply too small for most western feet – on Thor, they fell short by half. On Carrie, however, I suspect they were just right. In fact, she confessed that shoes in China are actually too small (really!) for her feet. We tease her though, that, despite her petite stature, she is a double-XL in China!

The breakfast buffet at the hotel was offered at an irresistible price of just 10元 ($1.50) per patron and included the following delicacies as the best from both the East and West:

• Toast w/ ham,
• Hard-boiled eggs,
• Foam cake with sprinkles,
• Warm milk,
• Warm (orange) Tang (!!),
• Black tea,
• Coffee,
• Bananas,
• Fried rice with egg,
• Elbow macaroni,
• Shredded kelp,
• Steamed dumplings,
• Rice congee (soup),
• Asparagus

Alas, no Cocoa Puffs, Frosty Flakes or Root 'N Tooty selections. But if you are thirsty and can't drink hot Tang, the small gift shop in the hotel lobby offers a wide range of items for the international traveler, including such vital elixirs as Beer, Tea, the magical Red Bull Vitamin Functional Drink (after all this new year brings in the Year of the Ox), and canned coffee. There is NO excuse for lacking caffeine in Beijing! BTW, I saw something that has been absent in the US since the 70’s – a pull tab on soda cans! The mainstream US-brand products use the newer pop-top, but the local drinks and the unknown brands are environmentally dangerous commodities. Jimmy Buffet should walk carefully on the beach here...

Our guide this day is Yuan-Min, who loves Texas basketball (we think he hopes to be mistaken for Yao Ming) and takes us first to visit the 500-year-old Ming Tombs, where thirteen unique Imperial tombs are scattered among the hills for each Ming Dynasty Emperor and his Empress. The one that started this tomb-building frenzy, Yongle, is handsomely recreated in bronze and large piles of paper money lay at his feet in tribute. This observation is the key to the boys' clever plan to distribute temple statuary of Emperors and Buddhas all about the city where they will idly collect monetary tribute which will be collected at intervals for their private use. Typically such offerings are to be used for the temple and its monks, but they boys have other ideas. As we exit the grounds through the gate, the guys step first with their left foot while the gals lead with their right. We said in unison, “Wah Wii Lie Lah” meaning “I am leaving” (or "My Wii controller is broken"). Soon after this stop, we had an extra rider in the tour bus, another guide who was the girlfriend of our driver (and surprisingly to us, they were not very reluctant as to PDA).

Next, we rode back into town (about 50 miles) to the Friend Yongsheng Stone Carving Factory, where Scotty proved himself to be the Jade Master after having received an Official Endorsement by the World’s Largest Jade Market for having accurately identified the genuine article amongst several fake jade bracelets. Naturally, we called upon our in-house expert to evaluate our purchase for Cheryl’s mom to be certain we had a good deal. They have some very large pieces costing many thousands and use every bit of the stones, even creating sand pictures from colored jade dust! For the grand-daughters, we custom-ordered a pair of Jade Chops (stamps) with their names in both English and Chinese. We watched the expert carver do his job swiftly and I had the opportunity to chat in Japanese with the sales lady (who, no doubt, was too kind in praise of my ability after a 20 year lapse).

After a mid-day traditional Chinese lunch, we set off to see the Great Wall of China! Finally, another great milestone as we had recently seen Chichen Itza, so this visit marked TWO of the Modern Wonders of the World in just months. We first posed for the ritual of a group photo which turned out rather nice and was sold to us with a book about the wall. The boys then took off quickly to scale the wall and reported later that they nearly reached Mongolia (or at least far away) where they met a man with a camel and negotiated 10元 ($1.50) for a ride. Then paid another "fee" to take pics as proof of their camel ride. More Capitalism growing in the countryside of this vast country! There are many vendors along the wall even quite far up from the "base camp" near the roadways. We did not take the famous cable-car ride, but selected a point from which the hike from carpark to wall is rather short. I thought that I had traveled a considerable distance over a dozen segments (between towers), but the boys went further than that - so much for the zany exploits of youth (says the wisdom of age). They boys bought their T-shirts and may have borrowed a small unused part of the structure itself as a souvenir to prove their adventure was real. It is truly a marvelous sight and a great place to add to one's lifetime of experiences. So, the climb up hundreds of steps atop the steep walls in bitter-cold gale-force winds was a Great Adventure for all.


On Thursday, we set out for a second visit to Mao. The map showed just how close the Square was to the hotel, but distance is deceiving so we had a good distance walk to see the street life of Beijing. Halfway along, taxis and scooter drivers sensed our presence and offered a ride to our destination. Charleene, having so recently acquired new knees, was quite interested in accepting the offer knowing the risk of being abducted. Fortunately, her son, Scotty, joined her on the scooter, which took off quickly in a perpendicular direction to where we expected to go. They had bargained a price of 20 (which in Yuan is fair), but the driver did attempt some extortion by claiming it was $20 (7 times more then Yuan), but settled for 20元 ($3.00) each - a good price for a good story! Barricades guide our access and force us to traverse and underground walkway rather than cross the roadway. Metal detectors intercept our pathway to scan our backpacks and purses (but not us) to catch contraband and appear to provide security. No time is lost, however, as we quickly stuff items on the conveyor, push by swiftly and grab them back again (very unlike at airports). We approach the guards ready to line up for the Chairman, but are informed that he is busy on Thursdays! Doing what, one can only imagine. So, we have failed again to see him and only then recalled that we were told to return on Tuesday, but were busy on the tour, so had waited until our free day. Drat, how can a dead guy be so busy that he can't spend a few moments with his anxious visitors?

Next...

There is still more ahead, so Part III will be coming soon! For now, check out more photos of the adventure...